I floated weightlessly between life and death. That place where all vampires go right before they wake from their slumber, as their bodies become animated with that magical spark again.
Every waking night for 300 years I have experienced this, and I don’t think I will ever quite get used to it. Despite this, I liked the void. It was a content blanket of blackness and emptiness, where my mind was free to roam, free to open up without thinking about the overwhelming dangers that lurked around every corner in the waking world. Most importantly, I was free to bask in the maker-child bond.
On my 300th year, I was a much different vampire from what I would grow into. I had a lot to learn, but one thing was certain, I knew what love was. I had not become so jaded that I denied that aspect, and it was a great time in my undead life. It was not until later when I was separated from my maker by vampire politics that I would bury my feelings so deeply that I nearly forgot what love was. During this time of discovery, I reveled in the beauty of my deepest feelings and desires. And there was only one other person in the world that I would show my full vulnerability to, only one person I would admit these feelings to.
I always reminisced of pleasant thoughts in the empty void. I thought about Godric, my maker. Yes, I thought about him often while I waited here for my body to become re-animated.
We have not spent one night apart since he turned me. We have laughed together, fed together, hunted together, traveled the world together, and even killed together… titans among mortals. We have not cried together… there was never crying. I do not think my maker has ever shed a tear.
I loved him. I loved him so much it hurt. As my fader, my broder, my child, and yes even my lover. I loved him as a lover would, despite the fact we had not engaged in carnal pleasures. In fact, I can count how many times on one hand that he has so much as even touched me. My love for him had nothing to do with some baser vampire instinct that a progeny feels for the one who turned them. No, it had grown and developed over the centuries. A child did not have to love their maker, as was proof between Godric and his own master.
No, this love was my own to give, wrapped up in a ball of unconditionality. I would gladly go to my true death for Godric. It was quite ironic seeing as how I would have never pictured myself loving another man so deeply. I, Eric Northman, son of Death, am known far and wide as a beguiler of hearts, a lover of women, and a defiler of daughters. My lust and hunger for the female persuasion has no bounds, and it still burns even now as my love for Godric does. But, he was different, my deep feelings for him extended beyond Earthly shells, beyond sexuality, beyond obligation. It was pure and good and it was my rock. It kept me centered and at peace with myself when nothing else had.
I longed for his love in return; even a fleeting wisp of affection would sate my desire. But he showed me none. He was tough, composed, cool, even a bit feral at times, but never affectionate, never loving. However, when I floated in this place between life and death, between wake and sleep, I felt his love. He did not clamp the maker bond tightly shut when I slumbered as he did when I was awake. He always woke before me, and I suppose he did not know I could sense his emotions through the bond while in this state.
My eyes abruptly opened as they did every night, and to my surprise Godric was leaning over me in the bed with his hand on my face. He quickly withdrew it and turned away, a frown forming on his face as he tightly clamped down our bond, leaving me with only a sliver of his presence. He would clamp that down too if he could. But it was impossible to close the bond fully.
“Please don’t.” I said sitting up in the bed. I watched him walk over to a basin of water and dip his hands in, as was his waking ritual. Though there was no light in the room, I could see him perfectly with my vampire eyes. His muscles sleek and toned, the tattoo on his naked back rippling as he splashed water on his face. My eyes trailed further down his back as I drank in the rest of his nudity.
“Today we shall inquire about hiring a new day man,” he said ignoring my plea, his back still to me. He turned around and faced me, and my eyes darted to his hard erection. If vampires were anything, it was not modest. I was quite accustomed to seeing Godric naked, and my mind swam with desire every time I did.
I stood up and walked over to him, standing inches away as I stared down at his face. He craned his neck to look up at me, a look of stern warning sweeping across his features. “Why do you deny us? It is not so uncommon for a maker and child to…”
His fangs snicked out, and he growled in a low snarl that made me flinch. But I remained stead fast and stood my ground. His eyes softened. “My child, I will not do to you what my maker did to me.”
“Your maker was a sadistic swine,” I hissed.
“Yes, but I will not taint you further. You already have my contaminated blood coursing through your veins. That is quite enough. Get dressed.”
He shifted to step past me, but I pushed him against the wall. I knew my strength was no match for his, but despite this, he leaned against the hard surface without resisting, a look of surprise and fury brewing in his fierce gaze. My insubordination had caught him off guard. He stood there allowing me to pin him, giving me leave to speak my piece, though I knew I was risking the full extend of his rage being unleashed on me any second.
“Your blood is not contaminated,” I growled in anger. “I am honored to be a part of you.”
He peeled my hands from his body and pushed me onto the bed. “Is this what you want?” He snarled. “Sexual gratification?”
“You know that is not it!” I bitterly hissed through snarling fangs.
“Then what Eric! What do you want from me?”
“Open the bond,” I growled.
“If you knew what I felt over the bond, you would leave! You would demand to be released!”
“Never! I am already aware of your emotions. I feel them every night before waking, as I hover between life and death. I have felt your deepest desires and secrets hum across the bond.”
His eyes flickered with mortification. He continued to stare at me, and then I lifted my face to his and kissed him. He returned it, but then he looked away and squeezed his eyes shut in emotional pain. “No.” He snarled.
I grabbed his face with both hands and crashed my lips to his again, pulling him closer to my body. He entangled his hands in my long blonde hair and returned my kiss feverishly.
That was the first night Godric and I knew each other in every way. As we melted into each other’s arms our bond opened fully, and I was overcome with a sense of relief and comfort that could not compare to anything I had ever experienced. I am not a sentimental vampire, quite the opposite, but when it came to those I loved, I was fierce.
After our union was complete, Godric collapsed on top of me with ragged breaths. He slowly got up and stared at me as if he could not believe what he had just done. He staggered backwards and turned around. Falling to his knees, he put his face in his hands and sobbed. The maker bond was open fully, and I felt his anguish and regret crashing down on me. I have never seen him weep, and I felt his pain as if it were my own. I quickly got up and knelt beside him on the floor, pulling him into my arms.
“I…I…I am s…sorry,” he sobbed, still covering his face with his hands. “P…Please for…forgive me, my ch…child.”
“Godric,” I whispered softly. “There is nothing to forgive.”
“I am the s…same as him. A m…monster,” he cried as his body shook with violent sobs.
He looked into my eyes, his brow tense and furrowed as he tried to brush the pain away, and his eyes were nearly desperate as he looked at me with a blood streaked face.
“No!” I said, wrapping my arms around him. “Why do you think this Godric? Why? You are nothing like your maker.”
He closed his eyes and inhaled a deep shaky breath as he tried to compose himself, but the tears continued to flow. I too breathed deeply, which was unnecessary, but it helped me deal with the bombardment of emotions I was feeling from the now fully open bond.
I looked down at Godric who lay in my arms, his eyes squinting tightly shut as he gritted his teeth. I could not believe the vampire who I loved so dearly had been plagued with so much turmoil inside. He was the most powerful being I knew. He exuded an aura of authority, leadership, prestige, and strength that brought kings and queens to their knees. All this time, for 300 years, and I never knew how much my maker truly struggled within. This is why he kept the bond closed, why he kept me at arms length, why he refused to allow me closer.
“Why Godric? What makes you think you are like him?” I asked again looking down into his weeping face.
He sat up and turned away from me. After several minutes, he quieted, and I put my hand on his back.
“Oh my child, how much I love you. Now you know. Now you can feel the full force of it. He too loved me, loved me violently, carnally, and even unconditionally.” He took another deep breath. He could not even look at me; instead he chose to turn away so I could not see his face. “And like you, I wanted to please him, even loved him back in my own twisted and perverse way. I gave my body to him, gave myself to him completely because I desired so badly for him to show me love, show me affection, as you desire from me.”
“Fader, my love for you has nothing to do with sexuality, or obligation, or my need to please you.” I whispered while staring at the back of his head.
“Listen my child, you need to hear this,” he said sternly. “As I aged and learned, my love subsided; my hate and disdain grew for him in unimaginable ways as I watched him commit one vile deed after another. I discovered what sort of monster he truly was, a side of him that he had been careful to hide from me for decades. When I tried to leave, I saw his true nature as he turned on me. Once I successfully rid myself of him, I walked the Earth alone for centuries. I found I was just like him, committing the same vile deeds I despised so much, stemmed from my hatred for humanity, my disgust with the world, and my own superiority complex.”
“We are vampires. We are superior to all other beings.” I said, trying to reason.
“No, Eric. That is a falsehood. A human man is stronger than a woman, but does that make him superior? Women of my tribe were revered as much as men. The men protected them. Do vampires protect those weaker? No!” His tone became angrier.
“Fader, there is no right or wrong, only death or survival. You taught me this.”
“Do you know that before you were born I kept humans in cages and fed on them nightly? Made them watch as I drained their loved ones before their very eyes. Then I would lift my blood stained chin to them and laugh while they moaned and cried. Is this survival?”
“Godric. I do not care what you have done. I love you and always will. I will love you even on my one thousandth year.”
He turned around and faced me, sitting cross legged in front of me. “How can you love death?”
“Feel me over the bond fader. Feel that this is no idle proclamation, for I hold you dear in my dead heart like no other.”
“Yes, I feel it.” He looked down at his hands. “I feel the strength of it.”
“Then you know I care for you nothing like you cared for your own maker. My feelings are true, they are pure, and they are eternal. Your past with your maker will not be repeated with me Godric. This I vow. I beg you to accept me as I am, for I have already accepted you, vile past and all.”
He looked at me, and his despondency abated as the dark cloud of despair lifted from him. This was an important step for Godric and I. After that night, everything would change. We became more open with each other, shared our deepest desires and secrets with each other, and ran wild over the Earth together. Yes, that was the night Godric stopped withholding his love for me. It was the night we truly became brothers. I would not love another soul with such ferocity for 700 years.
This has got be the biggest pile of fuckery I think I have ever encountered. Apparently, I’m supposed to run the club tonight while Eric dips his stick in the air freshener. This is the second night in a row! My phone was ringing off the hook minutes before I even rose. Do you have any idea what that is like for a vampire to be awoken from their slumber prematurely, even if it is only a few minutes. It is like being awoken from the dead, literally.
When I pulled into the employee parking lot of Fangtasia the first thing I noticed was that the fucking back door was laying on the god damn ground.
“Fuck a zombie!”
Great! Eric was going to be pissed when I called him. If I’ve learned one rule over the last century, it is to not interrupt my master during his fuck and feeds. Although, I had a stinking suspicion that this particular fuck and feed was much more than the average run of the mill carnal pleasure to Eric. I hate to admit it, but I think he’s in love. I never thought I’d see the night. At least she wasn’t your typical breather. She apparently pulled my Grandsire back from the brink of suicide, and that is no small achievement.
Godric has been wallowing in the pits of depression since before I was a newborn. He’s never been able to come to terms with the trail of carnage he left in his wake for a thousand years before he turned Eric. Turning Eric helped for a few centuries, but the memories were just too much for him. How she gave him hope and a new sense of purpose, I don’t know, but even Eric is amazed at what he himself could never fully accomplish.
I rushed out of the car and sped to the tree line. My training from Eric kicked in. I always hated those training sessions, thought they were useless, but I had to admit, my master was 1000 years old, and he didn’t get that age by being lax with safety. The older I get, and the more familiar I become with vampire politics, the more I have realized how necessary they really were. I wasn’t a warrior like Eric though; he turned me because of my head for business and my ability to keep cool in a crisis. I had a hardened emotional core, and I was no stranger to death, even as a human.
That’s how it always went with the ancients. If a human was lucky enough to be turned by such a powerful vampire, it was because they had somehow impressed them. Godric had followed Eric on the battlefield for months before deciding to turn him, and apparently Eric had been watching me for weeks from the dark ally ways of San Francisco. But my master was not watching me to turn me, he was apparently fascinated by my nature, little did he know I’d take that bull by the horns myself.
I watched the club from the trees in silence, remaining unnaturally still. There were no movements, no sounds, nothing… whoever had been there seemed to be gone, probably a fucking human.
I sped to the door and went inside to investigate. Looking around the bar, I saw that nothing was disturbed, this was a bad sign. It was starting to look more and more like it wasn’t a human. I got my phone out of my purse to call Eric.
“Shit! Nut-Sucker!” I made my way to the basement and saw it was empty. “For fucks sake!”
Yes, Eric was going to be pissed. I could feel our maker-child bond humming with pleasure that very moment.
I gravely dialed my master’s number to interrupt his special fuck and feed and inform him of the fuckery that was going on.
“Eric! For fucks sake,” I snarled when he answered. “I got to the club and shit has hit the fan! I ran to the trees, waited, and watched.”
“Pam! Calm down. What has happened?”
“Someone broke in. The god damn backdoor is on the ground and Nut-Sucker is missing! A human didn’t do this. It had to be Edgington. How did he even know we had Nut?”
“I’m on my way. Stay alert. There could be danger.”
He hung up the phone, and I stared at it for a minute hoping he would get to Fangtasia quickly. There were few things in this world that scared me, but a 3500 year old vampire that was apparently now our enemy was one of them and the fucker had been here.
“I was starting to think you weren’t going to call them,” a sing-songy voice startled me from behind. “Your master obviously did not give you proper training.”
I whirled around to see a man shorter than I, with brown hair and side burns dressed like he was living in early 19th century England. He looked fucking ridiculous.
“Who the fuck are you!” I demanded in an icy tone, but I already knew.
“Russell Edgington my dear, and you’d do well to watch your attitude if you want to come out of this in one piece. I can’t say the same for your sire and grandsire.”
“W…Why are you after them?”
He casually walked over to a table that we sometimes used to tie humans down that have broken vampire laws. Running his finger along the surface slowly, he began to speak. “Let’s just say I need a teensy bit of your grandsire’s blood. Then I’ll grant his long standing wish and send him to his true death.” He looked at me and laughed. “I have an idea! Maybe you can even watch while I kill them both!”
In less than a second, I had broken off a chair leg from the wooden chair in the corner, and I was rushing at the bastard full speed.
Unfortunately, he was quicker and firmly had my wrist in his grasp when the stake came mere inches from his heart. He bellowed out in laughter as he held me immobile by the wrist.
“Temper, temper.” He taunted through his nasty fangs. “You’re lucky I need you as a bargaining chip. Now sit…”
He pushed me down into a chair. I struggled against his iron grip when I realized what he had planned next. He reached for the floor with his free hand, which was gloved, and picked up the silver chain that had previously bound Nut-sucker.
“My maker and grandmaker are going to rip your fucking head off when they get here,” I said through gritted teeth as he wrapped the chain around me, securing me firmly to the chair.
“Oh trust me, my dear child. Only one of them will show, and I’m hoping it will be the Gaul. They won’t want to leave their new play-thing unattended.”
I screamed in agony when he bound the bare skin of my wrists behind the back of the chair with silver. He did the same with my ankles, and I struggled to control my pain. I wasn’t going to let this fucker see me cry.
The unmistakable stench of Werewolf odor made my nose scrunch up in disgust. The door at the top of the steps slammed open and several large brutes filed their way inside, with another vampire and a human female in tow, all the while licking their lips and staring at me with hunger. Fucking V-addicted mutts!
I had never seen the vampire with them before, he was not Nut-sucker, but he looked young and feral. His clothes were in tatters and his skin was dirty. He looked around with wide-eyes full of lunacy as the Werewolves escorted him in by the arm. The woman, on the other hand, was obviously glamoured. She walked in a dream state which indicated she was under Edgington’s control.
“What took you so long?” Edgington snarled, turning to the Werewolves as they descended the basement steps.
“Sorry, had a bit of trouble retrieving Ed here,” one of the Werewolves said lowering his head.
Edgington’s head snapped up. “Shut up!” He waited a few seconds. “Someone is here.” The Werewolves shuffled to the back of the room behind us.
With quick footsteps, Edgington retrieved the chair-leg stake I had tried to use on him a few minutes earlier, and he stood behind me, positioning it over my chest as we faced the steps that descended into the basement. “Utter one word and I will stake you through the heart. Do not try me, my dear.”
Seconds later, the door at the top of the steps creaked open, and a black silhouette stood in the entrance. He stood there for the longest moment, motionless, only his shape visible, as Edgington held the stake over my chest. My smell may not have been as good as Eric and Godric’s, but I knew that commanding presence anywhere. It was my grandsire!
“Edgington,” I heard Godric’s voice float into the room, calm and authoritative as ever. “Your quarrel is with me. Release Pamela, and let us handle this the proper way, through tradition and honor, as two ancients should.”
“Fuck tradition. Fuck honor. She will meet the true death unless you turn yourself over Gaul.”
“What do you want?” Godric said slowly descending the steps. His face was expressionless as his eyes quickly darted around the room to assess the situation.
“I want your blood, Grandchild.” Edgington said smiling. But there was something odd in his tone that even I picked up on.
Godric halted and stood still, the smallest glimmer of realization sweeping across his features at what Edgington had just revealed. My mouth, on the other hand, dropped open. He was Godric’s grandsire? That meant… that meant Godric killed Edgington’s child. No wonder the ancient was pissed. No wonder he wanted to deliver the true death to Godric. Oh this was bad… very bad.
Godric stood in thought momentarily before speaking. “You cannot perform the resurrection with the blood of a child. It has been attempted before and has failed. There is not a witch powerful enough to perform such an arduous ritual.”
“Oh, but there is. Dear Kate here is more than willing to do whatever I tell her to do. I had to kill her entire coven to get to her, but she is under my control now. And with a blood-brother such as Nut the ritual is possible.”
The two ancients stood motionless and stared at each other, assessing the other’s strengths and weaknesses, calculating their own advantages and disadvantages.
“Allow my Werewolf to bind your wrists and ankles in silver. We will withdraw a sample of your blood. Then we will let you and your grandchild live. Otherwise I will make you watch as I deliver her the true death, then you will be next. I am nearly twice your age. And by my count it’s me, 3 V-enhanced Werewolves, the most powerful witch who has ever walked the earth, and that thing,” he said pointing at the crazed vampire who huddled in the corner, “against you. You have lost.”
“I have your word that you will let us live?”
Edgington smiled and put a hand up in the air, shrugging. “What sort of vampire would I be if my word could not be trusted?”
“Grandsire!” I protested. “You can’t be serious.”
“Pamela, vampires as old as he and I, do not break our word lightly.” He said as a Werewolf approached him and cowered under his intense gaze.
“That may be so, but he’s a lunatic.”
“Sticks and stones. Sticks and stones.” Edgington laughed.
I watched helpless, tied in silver to the chair, as they bound Godric’s wrists and ankles with silver chain. It was true what he said, that vampires as ancient as them never… and I mean never broke their word. But, I couldn’t help but not trust Edgington. There was something about him that was off. He had lived too long, and his mind had gone bat-shit crazy.
“You don’t need to see this you nasty vamp bitch.” A Werewolf growled behind me as he slipped a blindfold over my eyes.
“Fuck you! I’ll rip your balls off and stuff them down your throat!” I hissed and growled, snapping my fangs at his hands as he positioned the blindfold on my face.
“Do not speak a word Gaul, or our agreement is forfeit and you both die.” Edgington hissed. I couldn’t see a fucking thing.
I heard some shuffling around for several minutes.
“One-Ear, fetch the syringe and withdrawal his blood.”
I tried to sniff the air as my mind grasped for some sort of resolution to our fucked up predicament. But the stench of the Werewolves was so powerful that I couldn’t even distinguish the scents of the vampires. Fuck my bad sense of smell!
“Finally,” Edgington proclaimed. “Finally, I will be able to resurrect my child. The child you murdered in cold blood, your own maker. And you call yourself a vampire.”
Godric did not respond.
“You think I would actually let you live? You think after what you did I would not get my revenge?”
I heard a loud commotion and struggle. Then… then…
I heard the unmistakable sound of a vampire being staked, the sticky explosion that indicated the rupturing of a body. NO! NO! NO! MY GOD! Please don’t let this be fucking happening!
“You fucking gave your word you piece of shit!” Blood tears were sliding down my face under the blindfold. “I’m going to fucking kill you.” I sobbed. I lifted my head and wailed loudly. The fucking pile of shit just killed my grandsire! NO!
I heard laughing and shuffling around as I sniffed back tears and tried to compose myself, tried to prepare myself for my true death. I would soon follow Godric to whatever place vampires went when they received the true death. I wanted to go with dignity, not sobbing and wailing in the air, but I couldn’t control my tears. A century I had practicing suppressing my emotions, but my grief was so great that I couldn’t quail my despair. My bottom lip trembled, and I hiccupped and wept and shook my head in denial.
The blindfold was lifted from my face, and I looked around frantically through blood red eyes. The only people in the room now were one Werewolf and Edgington. And on the floor at my feet was a pile of blood, soaking Godric’s ripped clothing that he had been wearing moments ago, a wooden stake laying on top.
“NO!” I screamed in a broken voice, my grief turning to anger. “You son of a fucking whore!”
“I’ll send the other Werewolves back in on my way out.” He said to the fur-ball standing in front of him. “Lick up every drop of the blood. I don’t want the Viking performing a resurrection. And I mean every fucking drop!”
“And the vamp bitch?”
Edgington looked at me as I sobbed. “Have fun with her. But don’t kill her.” He turned to leave but stopped and turned back around. “I did give my word after all.”
“Do you think Godric will be okay? Maybe we should go anyway.” I mumbled from the bed as I watched Eric briskly pace the room back and forth, his fists clenching and unclenching in frustration. He was torn. He was torn between his love for me and his love for his maker and child. I don’t think he could bear to loose any of us.
He turned and came to the bed wordlessly, sitting down beside me, he pulled me into his lap and just held me, his chin on the top of my head. He squeezed me and blanketed his arms around me.
“Eric, you said you could handle Edgington. If you could handle him won’t Godric be able to? Please tell me he will be able to.”
He didn’t answer…
“Eric?” I begged. His worry and fear was radiating out from our blood bond. I could also feel Godric over the bond. He too was worried and wary, something was wrong. Something was happening.
Then without warning, bitterly and cruelly, and as surely as the sun rises in the East, the connection to Godric was lost, blank, void, forever drowned in the lake of unmerciful desolation. Eric shot to his feet and grabbed his head, his fangs snapped out and he screamed with forlorn cries of heartbreak. I fell on my side on the bed, clutching my heart and writhing in hopeless sorrow.
I breathed raggedly as tears streamed out of my eyes. What was happening? I could feel Godric one moment, and then I couldn’t any more. My mind started swimming in agony and my vision went blank. I clutched at the bed sheets with my hands as I tried to bear the pain. A great sadness overwhelmed me, not from just me, but from somewhere else as well. I realized it was Eric’s pain mingling with my own. I felt so empty and hollow, like no other feeling I have ever experienced. Like I had just lost everything I loved and cared for.
I felt my body being turned and lifted, and I blinked the tears out of my eyes as I looked up. Eric was looking down at me, his face contorted in emotional pain, covered in blood that dripped down on my face and combined with my own clear tears.
He put his hand on my cheek and brushed the tears away with his fingers. Tilting his head and squeezing his eyes shut in anguish he inhaled deeply.
He opened his eyes and frowned, wiping his own tears away with the back of his hand, and looking down at me. “He is gone.”
“No,” I sobbed. “No.”
“Sookie, Godric is gone.”
I sat up and put my hands on his chest, pushing him away. “It’s a mistake. He can’t be gone!”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Sookie,” his voice hitched in his throat and he pulled me back to his lap.
“Maybe he somehow went to the other world again?” I said in desperation.
“No…” Eric shook his head and looked away. “I thought then that it was the maker bond severed. But a shadow of his presence still lingered when the two of you left through the portal. There is nothing now. Nothing but emptiness…”
I shook my head in disbelief and shock. He must be mistaken! It can’t be!
Surely this is not how the story of my adventure in the True Blood world is supposed to go! It’s supposed to be happy, and full of love, and I’m supposed to laugh and learn and spend forever with Godric and Eric. I was supposed to set everything right. But whoever was the author of my destiny and fate was a heartless ass!
We both knew we needed to leave and quickly. Pam was in danger, but we were paralyzed in our grief. Eric and I wrapped our arms around each other trying to find comfort, trying to ease our sorrow and misery and despair as we cried in each other’s embrace. I came to this world a month ago… I came here thinking that I could make a difference, save Godric, a vampire worth saving… now he was dead, gone, lost, departed from this Earth, and I would never see him again.
Oh God! I couldn’t bear this pain. I couldn’t bear it! I couldn’t bear it! Please don’t let it be so!
I cried like I had never cried before, and my heart shattered into a million catastrophic pieces. My head ached in splitting tension as Eric and I became lost in each other’s embrace, lost in our mutual suffering, lost in our desolation, lost in our arduous devastation. Our weeping echoed off the walls, mocking us, laughing at us, rudely doubling the gravity of the tragedy we were trying to endure. Please don’t let it be so! Please do not let Godric be dead.
🙂 Runs from pitchforks and torches…