Ch 4: The Turd Must Die!

I ghosted my fingers over the number 2 pencil behind my ear that would serve as my stake. “Okay Sookie, get it together. You’ve got to do it!” I said to myself, pacing back and forth outside Bill Compton’s house.

I looked ridiculous with my blue latex gloves, pink daisy shower cap, and make shift poncho made of see-through plastic. A rusty crow bar in one hand and a pair of kindergarten safety scissors in the other. Hey, if I’m gonna be staking vampires into an exploding mess I’m going to be prepared!

I didn’t think this would be so hard. I mean, I hate Bill Compton, but taking a life is taking a life. I’m sure the vampires got used to it, but the most dangerous thing I had ever experienced in my life was a fist fight with Jan Miller in the sixth grade, and she started it!

“Kill or be killed,” I growled, trying to psyche myself up. This man was responsible for the Rattray’s nearly beating Sookie to death in episode one. Apparently, I’m still living episode one in my reality. I’ve only been in the True Blood realm for a few hours.

Compton was sent to Bon Temps to deliver me to the Queen. He manipulated Sookie so much in the show. According to the books, he will eventually even rape and almost kill me after the Russell Edgington debacle. Sookie would have died in that trunk if Eric hadn’t saved her. I guess Compton’s biggest fan, Alan Nut, didn’t want to show him in too bad of a light on the show so they re-wrote that little incident.

I tugged the pink daisy shower cap over my ears and marched up to the front door. I am woman hear me roar!

“Arg… uggg… grrr,” I grunted as I tried to pry the door open with the crowbar. Dammit! The door was studier than it looked. Finally, after what seemed like forever, I cracked the frame by the door knob, and it creaked open with an eerie sound.

I stood in the doorway peering into the shadowy house. I timidly stepped in, and the door slammed shut behind me from the breeze outside, making me jump. I felt like I was in a real horror movie. Flecks of dust floated in the air from the few slivers of sunlight that trespassed through the blacked out windows.

I took in a sharp breath when I realized I had been holding it. With my luck Bill Compton was going to jump out any second and attack me with his greasy fangs. I’m not sure if he’d kill me or start laughing from my get up if that happened. But who cares what he thought? Not me, that’s for sure!

Sitting the crowbar down, I slipped the number 2 pencil out from behind my ear. Sweat dripped down my brow as I crept my way around the old, creaky house. It was stifling in this closed up dump from the hot Louisiana day. I tip toed down the hall holding the pencil out in front of me like a knife.

The familiar rug I remember from the show that is pulled over Bill’s hidey-hole got my attention. I breathed lightly as I tried to stay quiet. I knew occasionally vampires could be awoken from their daytime rest. I pulled the rug back and slowly lifted the trap door as I leaned over on my haunches. This was it… Either I die or he dies.

“GAH!” I fell back on my bottom with a thud. What the… Bill was stark nude in his hidey-hole except for a pair of hot pink, lacy panties pulled up around his hips with matching stiletto’s on his feet. Beside him was a magazine titled ‘Fangbangers USA.’

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. First of all, the fact that he was a vampire, the vampire Bill Compton that I had seen so much on TV, and he was wearing pink panties and heels. I was in sensory overload. He was not good looking. I couldn’t believe the TV Sookie fell for him.

I sat the pencil down and donned my kindergarten safety scissors to give him a haircut. I pulled a Wal-Mart bag out of my pocket that I would place the hair in. I had to get this over with, and it was too late to turn back now.

Ew! I shivered and trembled as I ran my fingers through his hair and snipped off his brown locks. It took quite a while. I was reaching down into a hole and had laid down on my belly on the floor boards to make the job easier.

Finally, after about an hour, I was finished. I tied the bag so no blood would get in it and pushed it aside along with the scissors. Grabbing the pencil, I turned my attention back to the nearly bald Bill Compton. My eyebrows raised at the pitiful sight before me. Honestly, who was this person?

The easiest way to do this would be to get down in the hole and stand over him with one foot on each side of his chest. I could put all my weight on the pencil and push down that way. Stepping down, I stared at him. I felt no remorse for what I was about to do. This bothered me. I’ve always been a compassionate person. Am I treating this world like a joke because I didn’t feel like it was real? The mere idea that I could change True Blood hadn’t really sunken in yet, and I was still thinking of this place as just that, a TV show. I would have to think about it later.

I bent down and positioned the pencil over his chest. I applied pressure, and the pencil didn’t penetrate him. Dammit! On the show it always looked like stakes and wood slid in vampires like butter. This was way harder than it looked.

Finally, the pencil slid in his chest right over the place where his heart was. Mission accomplished!

Bill’s eyes snapped open, and he grabbed my hand. His deathly orbs were wide and wild with rage.

“YOU,” he croaked, grabbing a hold of my throat and squeezing tightly. Shit, did I miss his heart? I’m so fucking dead. This could not be happening to me.

To my relief, he exploded into a splatter of gore a second later. I fell backwards, coughing and gasping for air.

“Gross!” Chunks of Bill Compton were sliding down my plastic poncho. It had gotten all over my face, the only exposed part of my body. Some had even managed to get in my mouth. This was the nastiest fucking thing I had ever done, and my work had only just begun. I had to clean up this mess and leave no trace of evidence that Bill had been murdered, just in case someone came to investigate. I knew Eric didn’t even know Bill had moved to his area yet, but the Queen might send someone after awhile.



Despite all the stressful things I had already been through, I felt good. Bill Compton was dead, I had a bag of his hair, I had enlisted the help of a fairy (although I didn’t know how much I should trust her), and I had made first contact with Eric Northman. All in all, I think that was a pretty good first day on the job.

My drive to Merlotte’s for my shift was uneventful except for one wrong turn, but I eventually made my way there.



I saw Sam’s trailer and pulled in the back parking lot. God it was freaky seeing Merlotte’s right in front of me, lit up like a beacon in a wooded wasteland. What was even stranger were all the cars parked in the lot, like the entire population of Bon Temps was there. My entire body was shaking in anticipation, and I had butterflies twisting my stomach. I got out of my car and walked to the back door in a damn near dream state. Nothing seemed real. I couldn’t believe I was about to walk in that place and see all the actors. Wait, they weren’t actors were they? They were real people who believed they were leading real lives, and for all I knew I was inside of some sort of TV world, like in that movie Pleasanttown, or was it Pleasureville. Bah, I couldn’t remember. After a little confusion, I found Sam’s office, and put away my purse. Ironically, I had somehow managed to hang on to it from the other world when Nut tossed me to this place.

I was standing there scratching my head and just trying to absorb everything that happened to me when the door opened and startled me.

I whirled around to see Sam strutting in with his messy hair and scruffy whiskers. He was dressed in a navy and white plaid shirt and blue jeans that were a little too tight. His eyes positively lit up when he saw me and his entire face was beaming.

I looked at him wide eyed and stuttered, “Hey, ah… Sam.”

He smiled and nodded his head. “Hey cher. How’s it going?”

I crossed my arms in front of my chest and rubbed them nervously, only to drop them to my sides when I saw his eyes track downward to my movements. “Oh it’s good,” I said, remembering to use a southern accent this time. I think he may have suspected something, because his smile faded a bit and he gave me a strange look. I smiled really big, the crazy Sookie smile that I had seen her use in the show a lot. He glanced back to my eyes and his smile returned.

He put his hands on hips and nodded awkwardly, before reaching up and running a hand through his shaggy hair. “You look nice tonight,” he said, gazing at my mouth. “Are you wearing lipstick?”

“Umm, yeah. I get better tips when I wear makeup.” I was getting nervous. This conversation was getting really awkward. No wonder Sookie always felt off kilter around the shifter. I think my earlier smiling had given him the wrong signal. “Well, I better get to work.”

I started to shuffle past him out of the room. When my hand was on the door knob he called my name. “Sookie?”

I slowly turned. What now? “Yea Sam?”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” He said, raising an eyebrow. Did he want a kiss?

“I don’t think so,” I answered, unsure of myself.

“Your apron.”

“Oh!” I laughed. “Of course.” Shit! Where are they? I have no clue, and I stood there for a second. “Silly me.”

His eyes shifted to the wall where they were hanging, and I hurriedly grabbed one and tied it around my waist.

“Everything okay Sook?”

Think quick! “It’s just that I’m having trouble keeping my shields up tonight and I’m hearing everyone’s thoughts.” I was hearing some faint humming so I wasn’t lying.

He relaxed and started making a bee line right for me. Startled I took a step back but he already had his arms around me. “Poor girl, you have a hard time don’t ya Sook?”

“Yea,” I squeaked. Breathe! I wasn’t used to this. God, why was he touching me so much?

“If you ever need to talk I’m here for you,” he said letting go.

“Thanks Sam.” I quickly made my way out of his office and into the bar. If I react like this to Sam Merlotte how the hell am I going to react to Eric Northman. Or Godric for that matter.

One of the first people I saw was Rene standing with Hoyt at the pool tables. My blood began to boil. Then I was hit with a frenzy of voices. Dammit! I had no idea how to put up shields. I closed my eyes and concentrated on blocking them out. It seemed to help and the activity in my mind died down a bit.

When I opened my eyes back up Rene was looking in my direction. He smiled and waved me over. Ugg. I made my way over to him.

“How ya doing you?” he said in his fake Creole accent. “Where you’s been?”

“Oh I had yesterday off.” It sounded good.

“Ohs. Whatcha do on ya days off huh?” Was he trying to figure out if I was his next target?

“Just hang out at the house with Gran. Help her clean and stuff.” Oh, I murdered Bill Compton. No Big deal.

“You no go down to Shreveport? Ya knows they got that vampire bar. Dawn likes to go. Thought I saw you headin’ that way today.”

“Ew!” I lied. “Vampires? No thanks. I was just going to Wal-Mart for Gran.” Was he spying on me? Maybe this lie will get him off my trail until I can figure out what to do with him. “I don’t know anything about vampires but don’t they sleep during the day? That’s when I went to Shreveport, daytime. Bright as could be outside”

He nodded. “You’s a good girl Sookie.”

I laughed nervously and turned to do my job. My shift crawled by painstakingly slow, and by the time I was finished I was mentally exhausted from all the telepathic thoughts I was receiving. I just wanted to go home, take a shower, and go to bed. But I still had things to do.

I felt surprisingly guilty and remorseful for killing Bill Compton. I found myself ready to break out in tears during the drive home. This place is real. It’s as real as anything I’ve ever known and I just took a life. Would Eric hate me if he found out? He was never a fan of Bill and if he knew what I knew he would probably kill Compton himself. But he doesn’t know me at this point. How will he react when I eventually tell him? I can only hope I’m doing the right thing.



A/N: Godric looks at you under his eyelashes. “Little one, if I have learned anything in my 2000 years it is that you should be kind to your authors and leave a review.”

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9 thoughts on “Ch 4: The Turd Must Die!

  1. Oh goodness Billy boy naked with Pink laced panties and stilettos…Now I will have a nightmare!
    Don’t feel guilty Sookie you killed a piece of shit…


  2. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard! Bill, dead for the day in pink panties & stilettos! LMAO!! So why is it he & Sook never did anything but missionary?


  3. Oh my! I just cracked up at the visual of Beehl in pink panties. Yuck! lol.
    Poor Sook is second guessing herself, she just needs to remember all the horrible Billshit that was shoved in our faces through the seasons.


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